Shit is happening.

Soo where to startt ??

The past few days i have been hanging out with my boyfriend and well he really likes to be touching me ( non dirty! ) like as in holding and cuddleing and well it makes me feel extremly happy, but sad. Ive observed that his family is very touchy over all like they all sit together on the couch , share things , and cuddle. This make me get a happy feeling knowing they all love eachother and can share moments but also makes me extremllyyy sad becuase my familey welll... i havnt been hugged by my mom or dad in like well forever and havnt heard i love you in well forever , i say it all the time but they ignore it , honestly i think they are afraid to say it back :(  If i where to try and hug one of my parents they would suddenlyy have something exremtly important to do they didnt have a second ago, like what kind of family is this ?! When i was laying on his bed last night with him i coudnly help but want to cry , and i almost broke out into tears a few times its was pretty hard to hold it in. Its jsut all the touching and how he makes me feel loved it so amazing like ive never had anyone make me feel this way before and idk its really hard to explain , like he actaully caress and loves me and its so amazing becasue ive never really had that before. I mean my parents say they care but its not actaully shown or expressed, but this is. Im just confused after all the hate i have been giving why i suddenly am getting so much love ? Its really hard for me to understand and deal with because well i dont know how to deal with it or what to do , ive never had this before.

Last night , i got home 2 MINUTES LATE , i walk in the door take my boots of and walk into the living room , my dad demands to have my phone and that i shut it off , so i dont question it and try and turn my phone off, my phone takes like three trys to turn it off because its fagtarted but like not even 10 seconds from him asking to have my phone im all ready being called a bitch and brat and all the names in the book becasue i took 10 seconds to turn my phone off , i didnt even question him or talk back.  I go upstairs crying my eyes out like mad becuase i dont know what ive done to be treated this way, only to see my mom upstairs on the computer as i walk by , she comes into my room to ask whats wrong and i reply saying that dad took my phone, my mom goes down stairs and asks him why and his rely is " BECASUE SHE WAS TWO MINUTES LATE AND SHES A FUCKING ASS BITCH "  yeah thats right those exact words. My mom tells him he is being absoultly rediculous that he needs to stop sweating alll  the little things and that i wasnt late at all and he shoudnlt of done that becuase i wasnt late and even if i was he cant do that. well to bad for nme he all ready had. My mom then got my phone back and well , my dad has hid the battery.  i have it back now , and still havnt talked to him since last night becuase im afriad to because ever time i open my mouth i am critisized.  I relly dont think he should be allowe4d to take my phone at all since i am the one who bought it and pays for it but i dont agrue it just gets me into my shit. While im rambaling on about how much  I FUCKING HATE MY FATHER  im actually embarrsed to even call him that.

Today i got a huge hate e-mail from an old friend saying that she is going to punch my sister head in if she dosnt stop all her facebook fights and stuff, reallyyy?!?!?! Why are you talking to me about this and not her ? deal with your own fucking problems. I cant controll what my sister does on facebook! Uhgg and why bother getting me involved , its jsut going to make this a bigger scene. lay off its facebook.

Your probaly reading this thinking that im being all dumb , because i actually cry about things , well get over yourself i cry, its what humans do.


I try my absoulute best to not bring people to my house when my family is home , becuase im afraid of them yelling at me while people are over , because they will and they have, if i do the tinyest thing wrong or out of order ill be bitched at for like 20 minutes over it and well i dont want people seeing how big of a screw up i am.

Dear life , im sorry.